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| Real Teachers |
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| Helicopter Landing | A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electricalmalfunction disabled all of the aircraft\'s electronicnavigation and communications equipment. Due to theclouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter\'sposition and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopterwindow. The pilot\'s sign said, \"Where am I?\" in largeletters. The people in the tall building quickly responded tothe aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the windowof their building. Their sign read, \"You are in a helicopter.\" The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determinedthe course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landedsafely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked thepilot how the \"You are in a helicopter\" sign helpeddetermine their position. The pilot responded, \"I knewthat had to be the Microsoft building because, similarto their help-lines, they gave me a technically correctbut completely useless answer!\" |
| 160 Years Old | A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says \"Congratulations!\" \"Congratulations for what?\" asks the lawyer. \"Congratulations for what?\" says Saint Peter. \"We\'re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.\" \"But that\'s not true,\" says the lawyer. \"I only lived to be forty.\" \"That\'s impossible,\" says Saint Peter. \"We\'ve added up your time sheets.\" |
| Sports Quotes | \"We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.\" - Jason Kidd \"Are you any relation to your brother Marv?\" - Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert \"It\'s almost like we have ESPN.\" - Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together. \"I can\'t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.\" - Shaquille O\'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece. \"My sister\'s expecting a baby, and I don\'t know if I\'m going to be an uncle or an aunt.\" - Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982. \"Tom.\" - Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA\'s Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966. \"I\'ll always be Number 1 to myself.\" - Moses Malone \"I\'m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.\" - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me. - Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model \"I lost it in the sun!\" - Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodgers Pitcher, after fumbling a grounder. \"You guys line up alphabetically by height.\" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach \"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.\" - Bill Peterson, football coach \"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.\" - Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, 1991 \"I don\'t care what the tape says. I didn\'t say it.\" - Football coach Ray Malavasi \"I may be dumb, but I\'m not stupid.\" - Former football player/announcer Terry Bradshaw \"I\'m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.\" - Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs, 1986 \"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.\" - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann \"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. - New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers |
| Addressing A Superior Officer | Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn\'t have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base\'s corridor floors, and asked him, \"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?\" Private Duncan replied, \"Sure.\" The Corporal turned red. He said, \"That\'s no way to address a superior officer! Now let\'s try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?\" Private Duncan replied, \"No, Sir!\" |