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Dirty Religious Jokes

52 Dirty Religious Jokes
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The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the good news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex. Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.

After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions." The cardinals were amazed, and there was quite an uproar. Suddenly a single voice was heard over the top of the noise: "And what are the four conditions?"

The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. "Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."

After another long pause another voice asked, "And the fourth condition?"

The pope replied, "Big tits."




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Three nuns were talking. The first nun says, "The other day, I was cleaning Father McInty's room and I found pornographic magazines under his bed!"

The second nun says, "I can top that. Yesterday I was cleaning Father McInty's room and I found some condoms!"

The other nuns asked, "What did you do with them?"

The second nun said, "I poked holes in them."

The third nun fainted.


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Three nuns were walking toward the pearly gates when they got there there stood St. Peter.

He said "Okay, in order to enter the kingdom of heaven you have to be able to answer one question."

The nuns agreed. So he asked the first one "Who was the first man on earth?" She responded that's an easy one Adam." The gates open the lights came on and she walked up the stairs.

The second nun stepped up and St. Peter asked "Who was the first woman on earth?" the woman replied "That easy, Eve." The gates opened lights came on and she walked up the stairs.

The third nun stepped up and St. Peter asked "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

She set there for a minute and said "THAT'S A HARD ONE" the gates opened lights came on and she walked up the stairs.


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Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become members. The three, an older couple, a middle age couple and a young newlywed couple are told that to become members it is required that they abstain from sex for two full weeks and then return.

Two weeks pass and all three return and the clergyman asks each couple if they have fulfilled the requirement laid out at the first meeting.

The elderly gentleman says that they have and are ready to join the church.

The middle age couple advise that the first week was okay but during the second week the husband had to sleep on the couch. Nonetheless, they made it and are ready to join the church.

The newlyweds hang their heads and the husband says, "Well, father, my wife was bending over taking something from the freezer the day after our meeting and I couldn't stop myself. I took her right on the spot."

"I'm sorry," says the clergyman to the young couple, "but, you are forbidden from coming back to this church."

"I figured that," says the husband, "cause we can't go back to the grocery store either."


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What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.


52 Dirty Religious Jokes
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