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Clean Women Jokes

68 Clean Women Jokes
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10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS

  1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
  2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
  3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
  4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
  5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving - call 1-800-***-****."
  6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
  7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
  8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
  9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
  10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.






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10. Cats' facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN


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A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no morecountry club. But the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Ours is prettier," says the wife.


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A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news."

The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have which ever brain you like.

The man's brain is $100,000.00 and the woman's brain is $30,000.00. The patient could not help but ask; "Why such a large difference between, the male and the female brain?"

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."


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Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.

He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?"

She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".

Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."


68 Clean Women Jokes
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