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25 Clean IT Jokes
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A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electricalmalfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronicnavigation and communications equipment. Due to theclouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter'sposition and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopterwindow. The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in largeletters.

The people in the tall building quickly responded tothe aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the windowof their building. Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determinedthe course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landedsafely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked thepilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helpeddetermine their position. The pilot responded, "I knewthat had to be the Microsoft building because, similarto their help-lines, they gave me a technically correctbut completely useless answer!"




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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


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If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer

Here's an easy game to play.

Here's an easy thing to say.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort. Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash. Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?What a shame, sir!We'll find youanother game, sir!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side affects of Gauss, So your icons in the windows are so wavy as a souse,Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC. Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!


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One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colon Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, "I've called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokepersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but he's blowing up the world tommorrow."

So, Bill Clinton went back and said, "Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow."

Colon Powell went back and said, "I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.

Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the internet and said, " I have some good news and some good news.

The first part of the good news is I've been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved."


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IF AOL BUILT CARS

  1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
  2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
  3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
  4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
  5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
  6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
  7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots' of pretty colors and lights.
  8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
  9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
  10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car from them.
  11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
  12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
  13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
  14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
  15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
  16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
  17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
  18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
  19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
  20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
  21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."




25 Clean IT Jokes
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