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See's Candies, Inc.

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I Think I Need A Raise
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Seeking a raise

I,the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  • I do physical labour
  • I work at great depths
  • I work head first
  • I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
  • I work in a damp environment
  • I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
  • I work in high temperatures
  • My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from People & Quality:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

  • You do not work 8 hours straight
  • You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
  • You do not always follow the order of the management team
  • You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
  • You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
  • You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
  • You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
  • You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
  • You don't wait till pension age before retiring
  • You don't like working double shifts
  • You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
  • And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.



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