This is a list of what all the advertising terms on products really mean...
- NEW - Different color from previous design.
- ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
- EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
- UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
- FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
- ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
- IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
- FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
- HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
- FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.
- REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
- DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.
- YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
- BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.
- MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
- MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
- SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.
- LESS FATTENING - Now doesn't have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.
- HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.
- NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.
- FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.